Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Moving ON - Divorce Part 3

I said before I would post about the issues that drove my ex husband and I apart, but as I was typing it up, it just didn't feel right.  I don't want to focus on the warning signs I didn't see, or the hurt and destruction that was my life.  I am in a much better place now, and would rather focus on what I have done to build up my life, after my marriage breakdown.  So here is a more positive post!

Before marriage I worked as a feedlot pen rider, making a good enough, but low wage.  I had very little anything, including expenses, and moved around alot.  When I decided to leave my husband I had to get a new job, in a new field, and find a steady place to live and work.  I applied for jobs for months before finally landing a good one, that would support A and me, and that would help me provide some stability for us.

I started our working with children with developmental disabilities.  It was a very rewarding job where I learned alot about kids, and disabilities.  It payed our bills, and my boss was very accommodating if A was sick.  I got us a nice place to live, a good day home carer, and we never went without.  Having been raised as a single parent I was always worried about my ability to provide everything a needed (financially speaking), but I did it!  We never went without, we always had more than enough, and still were able to go out and do some fun activities too.  I never want my child to experience poverty, and so far I have succeeded.
A at our first house we lived in after moving out.
Accomplishment #1 - A has never been without all his basic needs, and neither have I.  I may have used my credit card a few times (or more than a few) to stay afloat but we always do.  We always have food in the fridge, and safe an warm house to live in, and clean clothes to wear. 

I applied to the Practical Nursing program in the city I moved to, prior to moving with A, and shortly after I got my job as a disability support worker and moved, I received my acceptance letter to the college.  

Accomplishment #2 - I am currently finishing my second and final year of nursing school.  I will be a practicing Licensed Practical Nurse in July 2013.  I have worked my butt off and made honors, once semester, and been just below honours for my other semesters.  It has been very hard work, and sometimes quitting seemed like the easier route, but I have stuck to it, and kept working and I am almost done.  I am a full time student, causally employed Single Mother ( well not so single now lol).
Studying is messy work, my table often has no room to eat on.. OOPS!
 Not long after my ex husband and I separated, I met my Fiance.  We met on the Internet, and chatted or BBM'd (does any one still know what that is lol) for a few weeks before meeting, and then met for coffee a few times, and ever so slowly began to date.  We met in January, and didn't "officially" start dating until after Easter that year.  We took things REALLY slow!  I completely recommend it!  It was really hard for me to keep things slow, it still is, but the benefits and the pay off has been so rewarding.  Before I allowed him to meet A, I found out through a mutual friend that he had volunteered as a "big brother" for Big Brother's Big sisters, and  had worked with one of our clients from my work.  That meant he had had a criminal record check, which kind of sealed the deal for me.  That may seem weird to some, but introducing a man you have only known for a few months, and have little background information on, besides what they say, is really scary.  Lucky for me, it has all gone safe and well.  We are now happily engaged. 

Accomplishment #3 Truly moving on.  After learning what I did and didn't want out of a relationship as well as what I really needed out of a partner, I met the most amazing man!  He is a hard worker, he is honest, and loves both A and me.  HE helps me with A when I have school and can't be there, he takes A on special trips to the pool just for them.  He really cares for us, and I really care for him. 
Our Family: Me, A and Mr F

I have to say really knowing what you want and need from a partner, and not settling for anything less is very important in a successful relationship.  In my marriage I felt like I married down in many ways.  I know that sounds snobbish, but as I grew to know my husband, I learned he was very poorly educated.  I can't respect someone I don't think is smart, and I couldn't respect my ex, and that was a large part of our breakdown.  Knowing yourself is the key to finding a compatible mate for life, not just for the moment.  

In the last 2+ years since I left my broken marriage I have provided A and myself with a good life.  We have everything we need: food, clothing, shelter, fun, and Love.  I think those are all major accomplishments worth celebrating.  
Me and A: I love that little guy so much!
For those thinking about leaving a bad relationship and are scared you can't do it alone, I bet you can.  if I did, I really feel like anyone can.  I didn;t have a lot of family help, as they lived far away, I didn't have much support from my ex for childcare because he lives far away to, but I did it, and we are living in a much better place, without the hostility, and anger that ravaged our old home.  

If you want someone to talk to about it, feel free to contact me.  I would love to support you through it, even just help you see your options. find me at anburty@gmail.com


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