Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Begin Again..

Here goes nothing...

I told you before that I applied for university last week.  I finally decided to dive into the bridging program from LPN to bachelor of Nursing to get my RN through Athabasca University.  Its almost completely online, so I can work and work towards my degree at the same time.  To be honest when I applied last week, I expected that between all the processing times, and the fact that it is just 1 month before the next semester, that my start date would likely be September.  Low an behold the day after I submitted my program application and student loan app, I got a letter from student finance that it had all been approved, and I needed to select my courses by April 7 to start May 1st.

So that has all been done, and as of this morning, I can access my 3 new courses and all the info to get started accept any print text books that need to be sent.  WOW, its really real now!  I am actually starting my degree, not later, but NOW!

It is going to be a long and hard road. To be honest I am a Little frustrated that the outlines are based on taking 6 months to complete the course, but with student aide, you have the standard 4 months to complete them, so why not have a 4 month study guide?  Of course I created my own, making them all essentially 3 month courses, but this way i will know I have a bit of extra time to get things done.  It looks like I need to do about 2 units per week per course.....

It is all a little daunting but nothing I can't handle.  So Bachelor degree here I come!

Monday, April 6, 2015

Planning For Loneliness

 I have admitted it here before, and I will admit it again.  I get so used to having Asher as my constant companion, that even though I crave freedom from my responsibilities at times, I absolutely hate it when he goes.  I miss the constant noise, the random comments, the frequent cuddles.  Even the sass and the sound of the annoying video games humming in the background.  One of my Exes used to go as far as to say, I go a little bit crazy when Asher goes away.  I can't even deny it, I mean its like walking around missing apart of yourself.  It does however get a bit easier as he gets older.  I am also learning how to cope better.

Somehow it never fails that when his Dad gets the opportunity to take Asher, it always falls on my week that I hardly work, including my weekend off.  This week will be no different.  I have only two scheduled shifts at the moment, so that leaves me with 5 days of nothing.  Next month this would be a great thing, cause I will hopefully be nose down in books and essays and projects working towards my bachelor degree, but this month, I got nothing but a wide open calendar. 

I was kinda hoping to spend a few of my evenings with the guy I'm currently "seeing" and it looks like I might be able to for a couple, but I still have too much time on my hands.  So I sent out a message to all my favorite people that live close by and told them that I was kid free for the week, and I listed my two days that I work.  I have to say i have some great peopke in my life right now. In the last 15 minutes I have been able to fill up 1 morning/lunch, 1 afternoon and 1 evening and am currently planning 1 more afternoon catch up with another friend.  

A lot of my friends are nurses and parents, so it is often hard for us to all coordinate child care and work schedules, so having this week so open made it week a great week to work people in that I haven't been able to spend much time with.  I am no longer dreading this long empty week, but excited for all the coffee what not that I will be drinking in great company.  

So Single Mother's out there: What do you do to cope when your kids go off to their Dad's?

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Exciting News

Being an LPN has a stigma, I hear it all the time, I feel it in the air: an LPN is not a "Real Nurse".  Of course I don't feel that way, and I work hard to not only break people away from that thinking with information about LPN's abilities, but by showing through myself and my skill that I am not less of a Nurse than an RN.

Since entering the Practical Nursing program, the question has been asked time and time again: "Are you going to get your RN after?"  My answer was and always has been a quick "No!" I didn't want anything else,  2 years of school was hard enough.  I would go on to explain my reasoning being: why would I need my RN. when I can do everything I want as an LPN?  I even had an RN instructor I was working with me tell me "You know Andrea, you would really make a great Nurse!"  My reaction "I know I already am." as I smiled back, She stuttered for a moment and clarified "I mean you would make a great RN", my final response was "I'm happy with the profession I chose."

Something changed recently.  I've had more and more friend talking about taking their RN, more of the people I graduated started applying to go back to school.  I started looking into it.  I've looked into it 100 times.  Then I look at all the courses you have to take, shut my computer, and go back to explaining how "satisfied" I am with my decision to be an LPN.  

The truth is I am stubborn.  Always have been always will be.  While I do not think that taking my LPN and becoming and LPN was a mistake, I do think that I need more.  Not only am I a type a personality/over achiever, but I like to be at the top of my game.  I like to be in a position of authority.  I like to be a leader.  As an LPN there are leadership positions, and I am currently in one, but I need more. I hate having to fight for respect for my profession. 

So I started dating a new guy, the one I mentioned a couple times briefly.  We met about a month ago.  He is an EMT, and working on becoming a paramedic.  He's currently taking courses to get that all underway.  In the time we have known eachother he's made a few comments asking me about if I want to take my RN, why or why not.  It has made me think about it a little deeper too. Last night we were talking about how limiting the health region we work in is.  For me it means I can only work in psych if I want to only work nights or weekends, and to work in an ER, you can only really work day shift, and you're more just the assistant than a fully functioning nurse.  In other regions you can work to your full scope using all the skills you were trained to use, as well as advance your scope as they train you to do more than just the basics.  After me complaining about that, he made a comment "time for you to upgrade while I do my medic?" 

Of course it was followed with a "joking" emoticon/smiley face, but the seed had been planted.  So I started looking into it again.  Basically its a 2 year program, and afterwards I would make $10/hr more.  When I went from working with kids with special needs to an LPN, that was also a $10/hr pay increase, and I look at how much that opened my life up for me, and it made me think, "how many more opportunities would I have, how much easier would it be to get by with that next $10/hr pay increase?"

My mind went crazy from there.  I got out my calculator and worked out that the cost of school would be about $20000, so if I continued working similar hours I work now, part time hours, at the higher wage,after completeing my RN bachelor degree,  it would take me about 2 years to pay off my new student debt just using the $10/hr pay increase.  2 years of school, then 2 years of the new loan.... that's a petty quick pay off given that I will be working for approximately 40+ more years. 

Then I thought about the fact that I currently have a position for the next 18 months that allows me to have 14 days a month off.  I could easily study with 14 days a month off.  I am always doing one course or another anyway. why not have it more focused.  My next thought was, hey it would help me be more understanding of the EMT's need to study as well... Since I already know I am an attention hog, and my feelings get hurt easy if I feel like I am not getting enough attention, this way I would be busy too.  And worst case scenario, things between us don't last, and I still got the kick in the ass I needed to start my Bachelor degree.  

So there you have it.  I took a leap this morning.  I applied to complete my Bachelor of Nursing Post LPN though Athabasca University.  Its almost completely distance learning, and it is made for working LPN's. In fact you have to have an active license and employment as an LPN to even apply.  I have 7 years to complete the courses, I would like to do it in 2-3 years, but it all depends how much I can handle between school, work, and Asher.  So here goes nothing....I can't believe I am applying for more nursing school hell....

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

To Get To Where you Want To Go....

So I got a piece of confronting news the other day: Mark/ MR F as I called him when we were together, is now having a baby with his current Girlfriend of less than a year and a half, oh and they are getting married this summer as well, but not because of the pregnancy of course.  

My initial reaction was as it should be "Congratulations, that is such great news!  You are going to be a great Dad!'  Followed a few minuted late by "I kinda hate you right now" which later lead into "You idiot, I know you know how babies are made, why did you do something so stupid!"

I was really taken aback by the news.  Sure We have been broken up for a Long time... Like 20 months... but its still hard to hear about someone that you loved, someone you were engaged to and planned to spend your life with, living the life you planned together, with someone else.  

As I was dealing with the news, I messaged a friend who has been really supportive to me and let her know the news.  She knew why I was telling her, even without telling her how it made me feel.  when I told her She offered me this bit of advice as well as the image above.  It was the best advice I have received in a long time, and helped me pull myself together and let go. 

So my message to her was:
"So Mark is having a baby with his girlfriend.  It shouldn't bother me but it really does.  Its really annoying that both my exes (Mark and Asher's Dad) are now having babies.  Oh and Mark and his gf are now getting married this summer."

Her perfect response was:
"You just weren't supposed to be with either of them or to have babies with them...except Ash...there is a different plan for you...maybe it involves T*** (new guy)? Who will happen when it's right...let the other stuff was your past..."

and right on cue the guy I am currently "Seeing" as he calls it, sent me a hilarious video of himself, which completely brightened my mood, and helped me get ready for my date.  

Its okay for them to move on, Its okay for me to move on. Maybe this guy is one who will be around for a while, maybe he is just another lesson I need to learn.  Either way, I am going to enjoy it while it lasts. 

I am happy for my Ex's.  Even if I am a bit jealous.  The funny thing is, is that it isn't that I am jealous that they are with other people. but that they are having more kids, something that I have wanted since Asher was little.  Then I realise that I want the whole package.  I want a man that I am in love with that is in love with me.  I want a man that marries me because he doesn't want to live with out me, not because its what you do when you make a baby.  I want to have a child with that man that wants to spend his life with me because we planned it, and wanted it.  I want it all.  I don't want to settle again. 

Like I keep saying:
"I'm an all or nothing kind of girl."
Take it or leave it.

Monday, March 30, 2015

No I Haven't blogged About You...


I was just talking to the guy I'm "seeing" and I just finished telling him that I hadn't blogged about him, so I decided it was time....

Monday, March 9, 2015

Weekend with Grandpa

I'm a bit behind on my posting because its been a pretty busy week with me working 6 of the last 7 days.Yay me, nice paycheck coming my way, well a bit nicer than usual anyway.  Back to the topic, before my busy week we had my Dad visit for a few days.  

It was nice to have him here.  He joined us for a couple Hockey games an watched Asher play.  Sadly they weren't our best games, and we are now officially done playoffs after losing both games. Regardless it was nice to have him here.  While he was here we also had supper with my Aunt and her family, at one of my favorite places, her house, so that was a bonus.  

I was also lucky enough to get some 1 on 1 time with him.  It gave us some time to talk about some awkward things that needed to be put to rest.  At Christmas I wrote a pretty harsh email to him regarding our relationship.  I feel a little guilty about it. He received the brunt from my emotional roller coaster that erupted from spending my first Christmas alone in 10 years.  Asher was gone to his Dads, and without him, I have no one.  I was a mess.  We had talked on the phone that day and something he said set me off.  Poor guy.  Regardless he made the best with it, and has made a huge effort to be more involved.  

I realized through his efforts that I have really had a much bigger part to play in our diminishing relationship than I thought. Between our talk and some self reflection, I see that i need to put a lot more effort in as well.  I want a relationship with my Dad.  He's a great man, even if he isn't perfect.  

It amazes me a how taken with him that Asher is.  He was so excited that my Dad was coming, even though he had only really seen him once in the last year.  It showed me that like good friends the time apart doesn't ruin the relationship.  Asher was waving like a mad man when he saw him in the stands, and ran over to see him when they had a break between 2nd and 3rd period.  When we got home he couldn't Wait o teach Grandpa how to play video games, of course.  

Anyway it was a really good visit. It was exactly what I had been hoping for, and I think it set us up for some better times in the future.  He helped me to see things more from his side, and that helped me let go of some resentment.  Like I said, it was a good visit.  

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

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